357, 358, 359

 I am exhausted and really irritated but I controlled my temper yesterday. Now I don't know what will happen today. 

It's my birthday today and I am just heaving with a kind of sadness. My heart feels full and my solar plexus feels wounded. I think I should plan to take a break and be in hiding for some time. I feel that I am carrying some old pain and it just surfaces over and over.

Anyway, I really have lost my will to continue this list but I'm already here so I will plod on:

1. Papa is well.

2. Had nice poha and creamy tofu.

3. Had safe cab rides even though the cabbies were driving fast both ways - to and from Vashi.

4. Have a home to stay in.

5. Wore my Zara skirt with a smart black top. Looked good. 

356

 Okay, so we are done with one more day. It was soothing in a few ways but a lot of work remains undone. Chest hurts a little bit. There's a lot of pain and anger but anyway, we plod on.

1. Papa is well.

2. Went to visit a friend's mum today. Today we watched another channel of a woman making something in a Bengali village. Apparently, village cooking is quite a genre on the telly.

3. Found a really pretty ivory cotton kaftan-type salwar suit I had bought during my first Ganpati when I moved to Bandra. Wore it.

4. Had an interesting dish today - dahi cooked with haldi and soya chunks.

5. Am safe.

6. Enjoyed a couple of discourses on Raktabeeja. The interpretation I heard was about how Raktabeej is actually the reactionary capacity of the ego. If the ego is hurt once, multiple stronger variations of the ego emerge. So the only way to destroy it is to submit this to Nature or Prakruti (who Ma Kali represents.) That was a nice, fresh perspective.