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 Today has been a difficult day. My break or sojourn comes to an end and I have to start work tomorrow. But I have been dipping in and out of work in the last few days - so nothing should be a shock. But I feel that times are tough and they will only get tougher. Before I proceed, I want to share this poem I came across. I think it is sound advice.

The Room of Ancient Keys

by Elena Mikhalkova

My grandmother once gave me a tip:
In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow.
Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.
You see?
You are advancing step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
Then another.
You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.

I have not been feeling good. I feel something strange around me. Today when I woke up from my afternoon nap. I thought I saw a couple standing at the entrance of my bedroom door - they seemed like villagers - the woman was wearing a saree and the man was wearing a shirt and a pant. And I got the feeling that one of them slit my throat. Now I feel a bitter taste in the back of my throat as if it's poison. I don't know how but a large flying insect has entered my room. My windows have been closed. I don't know where it came from. I swatted it away out of the house. But something is not feeling right. There's some type of dread.

Even so, there are still things to be grateful for. 

1. Papa is well.

2. I had a short work-out but a good peaceful one at the gym. The building gym is a small spot with very rudimentary machines. But it has large windows that I leave open to gaze at the night when I am on the treadmill or doing my stretches. The building next to mine has been razed to the ground for development for over a decade I think. Developers and financers, builders and others - seem to have washed their hands off this project many times over. So, what we have is a large and empty ground. Across that, you see the slope of a hill and a very beautiful building. At night, the flats are lit and people flit about in their homes - they look like angels dancing in the center of a flame. There is also a worn out shanty and the clothing line supports the weight of large bedsheets, tiny vests and socks and a myriad things. I often wonder about them - if your clothes feel the sun and you wear them, then you are draping some warmth, light, andpower. I don;t like handing my clothes out like the others. So I dry the clothes inside the house. I wonder if that makes me a different person from the others whose clothes dry in the sun.

3. Cook had made pancakes with strawberry and honey topping. That was tasty.

4. I was feeling a little low and...what's the word...bereft after my workout. I ordered Brra Chaap (soya chaap) from a place called Sadak Chaap. It was ex-ce-llent! Excellent! I didn't want to spend too much because it's still a few days until I get paid. But I really wanted something with a kick. Man! Did this deliver! The chaap was tender and perfectly charred in the tandoor. It came garnished with a heap of onions that was flavored. It was really well done. 

5. I found a can of Diet Coke in the fridge. (I thought I was all out!) It's quite lovely - to find some remnant of your vice suddenly.

Onwards then.