Trigger warning: Suicide or Murder

-

 Since the last few months, I have been having very strange dreams. They have felt so real. I have felt sensations of breeze, heat, gravity, the heft of a thick fabric, scent of a flower, etc. It has felt as if I inhabit another world completely for the duration of that dream.

Usually these dreams are surrealistic. In one dream, a friend and I are sitting in the middle of a field. He splits open a ripe papaya and there are lots and lots of black seeds. I then enter the papaya and the seeds form a labrynthian ladder that I climb down and enter a city. My friend then snaps the papaya close and I am face to face with a large beast. 

I wake up around then. 

Today, around 8 am, I saw a sooty charcoal sketch of a man in a black suit hung against a white background. He wasn't a real man but he wasn't unreal also. In my dream, I felt as if he had hung himself and someone who had found the body sketched him. Then his face became larger and larger and more and more black. Then it entered me through my skin. It was quite unnerving. 

I tried to connect with most of the people I knew, especially some of my guy friends who I was in touch with since the last few days. And of course, my dad and brother who never answer the phone when it's this kind of an emergency. I mean, sure, it wasn't an EMERGENCY but it feels like one when I am panicking and can't reach them.

I think that dream did take a toll. I got fever and some kind of a rash. But thankfully Dad is here tonight so I guess I will soothe myself down.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Check (the) mate

-
My cousin, who was born sixteen hours before me, got married recently. I am expected to follow her footsteps soon. Thankfully, I have been granted more than sixteen hours to do that. My father’s health has taken a turn for the worse. My mother is completely exhausted. Rationally, points 1, 2, and 3 would be distinct from each other. But in my family there is no such thing as ‘rationally’. Therefore all these points are inter-related. Strangely, here, we believe my marriage to be an antidote to mortality and fatigue. I happened to be sitting in my parents’ room while Ma looked through Papa’s blood reports. They didn’t look good. Ma was worried and Papa didn’t help matters much. He kept talking about Sourav Ganguly and why he deserved better. Ma got further agitated and after flinging the reports somewhere inconvenient to retrieve (I should know), she snapped, “So what? There are many like him.” Papa doesn’t believe that and would have no one in his family believe that either. He went to...
Read more

Not the same, all the same - Rang de Basanti, being a Hindu, uniform civil code, and Hostage – in that unrelated sequence

-
I watched ‘Rang de basanti’. That, however, is not the point. Everyone now wants to go to Delhi and cruise around in jeeps at night. And that too is not the point. I need to say something. That, really, is the point. ‘Rang de…’ is a good movie but frankly, I’ve seen better. I’ve seen ‘Yuva’. It is creditable, though, that the movie could say what it did without using the ‘sage on the stage’ (as we say in Instructional Design) approach. The movie does have a couple of ideas that I have been besotted with for a long time now. One is the life of a story. There is the germ of an idea about men who go to their deaths cheerfully. There is fascination about what could inspire such courage in ordinary people. That story lays inside a diary for a long time. How long? Long enough for history to play itself out and begin the process of repeating itself. A nation goes the ‘Animal Farm’ way – humans out, pigs in. The story lays untouched – fermenting in latent vigor. Then someone discovers it. She ...
Read more

Save the Indian (male) child

-
This isn't exactly a feminist tirade, but this is written by a woman, and it is written in annoyance. You raise your girls to be sweet, strong, and independent. (Wise parents teach their children to listen to opinions and discard or heed accordingly. The other ones just teach their kids to bullshit everything that everyone says. Still others bring up girls to be on guard and forget that spine so that everyone thinks well of them. I am not sure which is worse, but I detest people shoving their opinions down other people's throats in a show of liberation, so I'll lean towards the former. But only slightly.) As the gender construct of being a 'female' is pushed even further, you teach your daughter complicated activities – driving, perhaps, sending them off away from home, wearing a sari (those freaking pleats!), cooking and de-veining prawns for added advantage. At the end of that, you have a person who genuinely dislikes blending into anything, doesn't like bei...
Read more