Saturday, February 24, 2018

Today

I got my periods today and so I did not run. Actually, I could have run but I was feeling very emotionally exhausted. I really cannot afford to feel emotionally exhausted because I have a lot of work to do, to pursue, etc. But I thought, "What the heck? I will not run."

I walked slowly. I spoke to a friend who chided me strongly for being very meek. Am I? Maybe I am. I have spent so much time being an angry person that I am now compensating for being meek. I will inherit the earth, I think. Looking forward to it.

Today, I was chatting with some people who were very strongly expounding the need to settle all karmic accounts now because apparently, we have come towards the end of Kali Yug - just before Satyug begins and this small window is where you can rewrite your destiny. If you are not careful, then you carry the same destiny across the ages for all 4 yugas.

It's good to have so much certainty over something so nebulous. The notion that there is a chance to never have these traits again, to never make these mistakes with the same people, to be gentler, to be more kind and patient, to let the small things go - the ability to wipe the slate clean and set yourself up for success - it is so appealing. Whether it is true or not, it is definitely appealing.

Basically everyone wants to be a writer and God or Karma is a publishing agent.

My manuscript seems to be half-written and I've lost the plot somewhere. :-) And God is not interested because It is investing in web series now. Ha ha ha!

Today, the lake looked beautiful. It was dark, there was a lone empty boat drifting in the middle of the lake, and the water shone like thick, wet paint. My friend who was chiding me told me that I am not realistic because I only see the nice things in everything. He said that as if it were a bad thing.

People are strange.

Regarding this karmic account, I think there is something to that. There is a person with who I absolutely need to heal my equation. It is getting very painful to carry on otherwise. In fact, my very good friend (you can read her here: www.teerathyatra.com), had taught me a meditation exercise wherein I could visualize any energy-cords being cut with whoever I was having difficulty with. This is a very powerful exercise. I should get her to write about this.

So, this person who I am experiencing a challenge with, I saw him and I imagined trying to cut off the cords. But you know, usually, I have seen a slender thin cord. This time, I saw this thick, black mass of hard brush-type knotted energy. And it smelled. It felt rotten. Everytime I see him or even hear his name, I feel a tightness in my solar plexus. And that is exactly where I felt a tight, rotten energy. This, maybe, is some dark dense karmic account that needs to be healed. That needs to be worked on and prayed on.

I believe in prayers though. I like the act of getting clear and just that process of sweet surrender.

I will go now.

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