Monday, September 12, 2016

There is no getting away from it...

I think some people are very okay with not having any self-respect. It's not easy having some, of course. And I think with a certain mindset, you can do away with it. You can posture your groveling for attention as closure. You can keep turning up in someone's life every few months or so to expressly tell them how you are 'so' done and all that - only to rinse and repeat. I wonder if such people ever have an inkling of just how pathetic they seem. I am sure they do - all people are smart. But I think, maybe in a world I don't quite understand yet, having dignity is not all that important. You may sense how pathetic you are but you may be okay with that situation because something else is more important. Maybe some sort of attention for some sort of behaviour. I don't know.

A long time ago, I had written about someone who had texted me about 'closure' and things like that. I thought we were done. Apparently not. I got a text again today. And if I know anything about that person, there is some form of pathological resurfacing that will happen again.

I'm not sure why though. I have some guesses. I think when you are very, very selfish, then at some point, that hungry, ghoulish selfishness then turns on you. It will eat you up and then maybe you flail around before you slip through the gullet like a pellet of self-absorption. Then like a recurring bout of nausea, the pellet gets hurled out again. Then it gets consumed again.

Earlier, I had thought that all this was over.

Now I know better.

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