Skip to main content

My own private cave

I have had it. I have really had it. This world exists to annoy me. I am very sure of this. It waits until I get some sort of method into my life and then it just tilts and swerves and throws everything out of whack. There is so much mess everywhere. Most of the mess comes in the form of people. I detest people. I hate them. They annoy me and they irritate me and then, if that is not enough, they seek to reform me. These little piles of putrid, stinky, hell-hole worthy masses of drama they call 'humans'.

Of the many different forms of torture that a freelancer goes through, interacting with imbeciles is definitely top of the charts. Why will reasonably sane people not understand why I don't have time to step out for a coffee with them? It's not just about money.(Although, it is true that a hundred buck coffee and two hundred buck rickshaw fare tends to get a bit too much for an outing on the whim.) It's also about time and energy. I don't have the wherewithal to stop work, to stop looking for work and writing samples for work and pitching for work, to go and sit and listen to sap about how "he hasn't called yet.' HE clearly is a better judge of how to spend time than I am.

It sounds like a rant. Am I ranting?

So, I now take a deep breath and step away a hundred paces from my existence at this point. I must say that I've had a swell life. There have been good people and stellar friends and a remarkable family. But I have had enough. It's time I take my dusty blue yoga mat and retreat into some benign, restorative darkness where this world will be shut out to me forever.

I want the crowd out. Now.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Relax Mukta. Everything will be fine.
PS: These words obviously won't help, but sometimes, just knowing that somebody - especially a stranger - cares, makes you feel nice. :)

Popular posts from this blog

First Impressions: How to Get Away with Murder (Netflix)

 I love courtroom dramas.  I love non-linear storytelling. I love thrillers. I love tender love stories that embellish such series of grit, grime, and blood. This series delivers on all counts, dips somewhat after a couple of seasons, gets uneven and predictable (when it is less courtroom and more drama) and then finishes strong. The series centers around Annalise Keating who is a fierce, black criminal lawyer who also teaches a class in criminal law (which she calls 'How to Get Away with Murder'). As a teaching methodology, she gets her class to weigh in on her live cases. Part of her strategy also involves picking a handful of promising students and have them work in her 'lab' where they get to help her in strenuous arguments and civil suits, etc. The plot thickens, a murder happens, people get involved, incriminated, incarcerated, and dead. I found a couple of characters in this cast to be really unlikeable - Michaela, Laurel, and Bonnie. After the first couple of se

That kind of a day, that kind of a thought

 It was Eid and Ekadashi today. Thus far, I have managed to keep the fast for Ekadashi. But we still have 2 hours to go so...let's see. I had this urge to go to a temple. There is a small one near my house. Today it was filled with people singing keertans. So I went to the  Iskcon. I like the temple. It's so big and bustling. It's organised and musical.  But today was very crowded. Usually I go to temples and do a quick pranaam without offering flowers or fruits. But I felt like buying a thali. I got one with some fruits, tulsi leaves and a single marigold flower that lay there like a fully energized petaled sun. There was a long queue and I was already feeling stressed in the pit of my stomach. But the line kept moving and just like that, I had my darshan and I got done.  I came out and thought of getting a flower for the pooja room in my home. I bought a lotus. The florist fluffed out the petals and it looked like a sweet little bird.  I caught an auto back and as is my n

A very bad mood

 I have been trying to sleep for a while but have not been able to. I am in a very bad mood. Turns out I am very averse to change. Things are crap.  Deep breaths are not helping. I am feeling very trapped. The anger and irritation is quite intense. Let me take a few moments to just quietly watch myself.  Works