Thursday, December 08, 2005


December’s going to be a stressful month, as it has been since October. Work-wise, that is. In fact, the project I’m working on is in an interesting quandary. The client gets more confused with every bit of information that is provided to him. We try to remedy that by giving more information accompanied with several caveats and disclaimers. This is responded to with equal and opposite frustration, again accompanied with many addendums. In fact, during conference calls, you can hear the fine prints in our voices.

Meanwhile, we are working our butts off to cover our asses. (Asses being the slow, plodding and dimwitted personnel – a herd that I am a prized member of) Only to be told that you are slow and therefore, well, umm,..okay. (What can you do to donkeys after you have figured out that that’s the way they are, and that’s the way they’ll stay? Really, what? Bray tell.)

So, it was a particularly rough day with bile lining my pancreas or whatever organ they’re associated with. But then, as it is with rough days, this too ended.

On our way home, Z, MS, and I heard a Sumo honking furiously. We walked ahead and saw a rickshaw fellow pushing his rickshaw to the stand. I mean, the guy could sit inside and drive it. But no. This being Pune, this being us, this being us in Pune – it just sort of added up. The sight released our collective nervous energy and we collapsed into giggles, scaring a dog.

And Z, as usual, had an interesting movie scene in mind that she deemed fit to recount. Not surprisingly, the movie in question starred Kadar Khan and Govinda. Govinda is a robber and is running away from the police after committing a theft. Kadar Khan is hot on his heels. However, as luck would have it, the police jeep breaks down, and Kadar Khan is left to finding his own devices. So, he hails the first auto he can find, hops in, and urgently tells the rick guy, “Peecha karo!”

The rick guy, in all earnestness, gets off the rick and starts running after Govinda.
We heard that and looked at the Sumo now waiting patiently for the rickshaw to inch towards the stand.

I laughed so hard that my bile swilled around in rude surprise. MS swayed in the middle of road, and Z started snorting. She does that when she’s very pleased with herself. Several other dogs scampered across the road.

Anyway, that was that.

Later in the night, I met up with J for some dinner, dessert, and drinks that got added on as an after-thought. (The after-thought followed pre-thinking about the price of liquor. Liquor was beer.)

Our first surprise was when beer was served to us in tall, slender Collin glasses. I dutifully crossed my legs to begin drinking. Cutlery influences my manner so.

Then J, all regal and empress-like, asks for a straw. I hiccup and look at her. She nods sagely. A straw for the beer.

Sigh! That brought back memories. I was in college and had not begun drinking. However, once I was with my friends and was keen that I not be identified as a novice in the alcohol arena. So, a round of drinks were ordered – most being combinations of pithy sounding ingredients (gin and tonic, rum and coke, vodka and lime, etc. etc.) My turn. I say, ‘Beer’. My friends look at me. Somehow I feel obliged to qualify my order, so I add, ‘on the rocks.’

‘First time, huh?’, I was nudged through the evening.

But seriously, I sometimes wonder, why is beer never had with ice? I have tried it with vanilla ice-cream though, and it’s really yummy.

My tastes are generally weird that way. I didn’t like Top Gun and didn’t like Tom Cruise in it either. And really, how slow was ‘Cocktail’? But I adored Jerry McGuire and that movie deserves to be acknowledged as a sociologically relevant film – in fact, as a film that will be enduringly relevant. Just because the movie happened to make money, it will never be acknowledged as much. Reverse discrimination.

And ‘Da Vinci Code’ was no literary masterpiece. It was a great, thrilling book, but really, it was written in the manner of a contiguous screenplay. The book did get me referring to many many books on Leonardo though. In doing that, I think, it served it’s purpose of being a work of significance. (Yes, at times, it is all about me.)

And if I ever made a movie on the book, ‘Goodbye, Mr. Chipps’ (Now, THAT’S a book), I would cast Russel Crowe.

I also wonder if ‘ponder’ comes from ‘pond’; ‘see’ comes from ‘sea’; and ‘leak’ comes from ‘lake’.

Sometimes I wonder about these things. But more often than not, I think to myself, what’s wrong with beer and ice?


madhavan said...

Was once also a beer named Ice
I kid you not. Including excise
Rupee twenty five was its price.
Not too mild but not too strong
Not the usual size, a little shrunk
Took four bottles to get drunk.

Now Ice beer went oh-so bust
Bit the permit room's licensed dust
So, maybe beer and ice dont mix
I wouldnt know. Wouldn't try.
But beer and vanilla ice cream...
Yucks, shee, haayla, aaychee
That's one hell of a revolting first

PS: Bray telling - bray bray, and awaiting snappy pithy sarcastic caustic good-wicked nasty witty loaded anhydrous acidulous one-line/one-word repartee.

And btw, liked the words, funny-cool.

Mukta said...

Completely missed the pint, didn't you? :-D

Anonymous said...

bile is stored n released from the gall bladder :) going thro' your blogs one by em :)

madhavan said...

My admiration grows lager and lager, Goddess of Malt Things

oglidonkee said...

Beer and ice is a complete no no just like a "salty" Lava Lava!

It has been said that when a man decides to tell the truth he is snubbed and called mad.


Mukta said...

hey anon!

Going through them one by one, eh? That's good. And thanks! Oh yes, right! The gall bladder..the pancreas secrete (i'm using that term after s-o-o-o long!) insulin, right? Thanks though. Must know my own innards.

Yes, madhavan,
Youa re supremely witty. Can't beer it anymore. (that was a tad obvious), eh? So I shall quote what I saw on a t-shirt once: 'Beer makes you smart. It made Bud Wiser.' ha ha! By the way,my boyfriend just called to say that he's pining for a beer too! Talk about infectious cravings! :-D

Hullo ogli,

Hmmph! I think it's rather needless to get lava lava into the picture now, isn't it?

And yes, you are the fountain of truth - the truth that none of us can handle. Jack Nicholson was right! :-D Please email ogli. It's been a long time now.

madhavan said...

Finally, after years of toil, praise. Recognition. Self esteem can unpack its bags now. In fact, keep it a secret, I was aleing.

Mukta said...


You are malt welcome. ;-)

Anonymous said...

this is the gall bladder person :)i have a strange request (to u not me !) do u know where i cud get a translation of jaane woh kaise.. am in love with the song, but dont understand the lyrics..why ask u? hmm..i dunno..or maybe i do..will tell u when u respond..have a nice day/night..

milehigh said...

goodbye, mr.chips and russell crowe? defend your statement, lady!

Mukta said...

Hi Anonymous,

You mean the Guru Dutt movie song, right? 'Jaane Woh Kaise Log the jinko pyaar se pyaar mila?'

Well, I googled for it. Listen, mail me. Have asked a friend. Or else, I'll translate it myself. My hindi isn't very good but shall confirm it with someone who knows.

So, first things first - you are talking about the Guru Dutt song, right?

Hey milehigh,

Mr. Chipps - lost, strong, sad, tender.

Mr. Crowe - ditto. :-D

neha said...

Ever wondered about hole and whole. i think about that a lot...

~Sen~ said...

lol..... you can fart really well in writing ;) Cheered me up from my fucked up mood.In you, your boyfriend sure has a live n kicking comedy stock at disposal !
And ho..... snowy bear's arse is sooo cute.Coochie Coochie ;)

Mukta said...

Hi Neha,
You got me wondering about that one now. :-)

Mukta said...

Hi Sen,

Whatever do you mean? And thank you, I guess. And why were you in a foul mood? Canteen ran out of Pepsi, is it?

And as for boyfriend..yes, I constantly remind him that he is very lucky man. I don't think the realization has sunk in though. he he!

Pixel8 said...

have u tried heineken subzero?
now thats like ice in beer :)
rather frozen beer! :D

Mukta said...

hi pixel8,

no, haven't tried it. good to know that someone else thinks the way I do. :-)

kornershopgurl said...

thankyou mukta, for the trans..

Mukta said...

hey kornershop,

most welcome. :-)

jaygee said...

hey my dad once taught me a trick.. to instantly chill beer.. rinse it with a ice tray ful of ice. then chuck the ice.. and voila u have chilled beer.. and well the relationship between ice and beer..

Khakra said...

Beer as placebo? No guilt-stricken excuses please! It's December, and you said it -- work is gonna make your ass burn. :)

Mukta said...


How's life? That's a neat trick. Maybe it'll work for colas as well. Shall try it.

Hi Khakra,

yes, it's december. sigh!

i_d said...

you should not confuse your client.

Mukta said...