October begins

 It has been a very tiring beginning to the first day of my sabbatical. I think if this is how things keep up then I will not get time to really figure out how I want to spend my time or the rest of my life. It sounds big and broad. But it's true.

Here are all the things that I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well.

2. Had a really really long day today. Started my day around 7. Left for Vashi because I was watching Demon Slayer at Palm Beach Galleria with a friend. It was a long movie and I think the dubbing was not great. But the animations and illustrations were beautiful! The scenes of flowing water, the infinity castle, the snow fall... gorgeous. The background score was really good too. But it was too long.

3. Had a really nice lunch with a friend.

4. Went to Goregaon to meet a friend. Accompanied them to a doctor. It was really difficult getting an auto back but after walking in the rain for a bit, we managed. 

5. Trip home was long, long, long. But reached safe. Got a couple of interesting things from the Farmers Store.

6. Really enjoyed my kuttu paratha and jaggery for dinner.

7. I really want to be mindful of all the resources I have at my disposal at this very moment. Because I will not be working or earning anything for some time now. By design. I want to get through this fear and servile allegiance to certainty. I think I should journal more systematically and document my intent as to why I am doing what I am doing. I think I have a lot of huge resources at my disposal - the chief among them is now a rising and rousing desire to figure out a few things by myself. If there ever was a time and a deep reason to rouse the shakti, this is it. I really want to have the courage to at least try and figure out what is going on in me. 

There's a scene in Demon Slayer where a girl and a couple of people are painting the map of the Invisible Castle. The castle expands in all directions and levels keep getting added to it. There's a point at which this girl realized that no matter how much they work, they will not be able to match the speed and pace at which the castle was growing. She takes a second to notice the horrifying endlessness of the enterprise but then picks up her paintbrush and starts painting again. Because that's what the job at hand is. That's what she signed up for.

This is what I want for myself - to always be cognizant of what I signed up for.