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 The news about Saif being attacked in his home is shocking. In and around my building I have also noticed strange men just loitering around. I am not entirely convinced about the security but I now feel that if something this drastic has to happen, can you stop it? As I type this, I am sitting in my skimpy night clothes typing in my living room. I sense a shadow in the bedroom. There could be a man there who will now leap out, lunge at me, and slit my throat. Will I still think that this was inevitable? I pray for this actually - that even if harsh things befall me, I relax and release the hurt.

I am back from Orissa and I have encountered very strange tales. I remember some stories that Ma used to tell me. She told me of a distant aunt who was very old and lived in Puri. She had a trusted rickshaw puller that she employed when she wanted to get around the town. She had known him for 40-odd years. One evening, he killed her and stole her gold. 

This is not about people. I think there is a strange, inevitable fullness of karma that erupts when it is time. You can't say how or why. You just need to be strong enough to not break then and give in to hopelessness. It is easy yes. But it is exhausting.

There is so much chaos at work. I am sometimes annoyed with the way a few people have left things. Anyway, people have their reasons. At least I am alive and unhurt enough to be annoyed. So there's that. Here are a few things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. I did not talk to him but there has been no frantic call. So that is good.

2. I am safe.

3. Cook came today. She made a quinoa gruel with cauliflower. I ate that with a cube of cheese.

4. I got through the day.

5. Stubbornly I did my Qi-gong exercise.


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